If You Don't Wanna Know, Don't Ask
by Kyron
Summary: The Wizard of Oz, a classic movie. Ratchet thinks otherwise.


-1**If You Don't Wanna Know, Don't Ask.**

"That…is completely absurd." Ratchet states, breaking the silent spell that had every other being in the room mesmerized.

"What is?" Sam asked, distractedly.

"That." the medic replied, pointing at the large television that was currently showing a syndicated version of "The Wizard of Oz".

"Huh?" the boy replied as he turned and gave the Autobot a confused look.

"It's a film, Ratchet." Prime provided, optics betraying his amusement.

"I know that." he said, giving his leader a withering look. "However, it's alarmingly unrealistic." he added, arms crossed over his chest.

"What are you talking about?" Ironhide groused from his seat on one of the large 'couches' the Autobots had been able to acquire.

"Yeah, c'mon Doc! This one is a classic!" Sam said, eyes never leaving the screen.

"It's still unrealistic. And strange."

"Oh, no it's not…" he protested, weakly.

"Tell me one time in which you've ever seen a human randomly break out in song because of some insignificant drug-induced event in their lives?" Ratchet replied, expression set and voice hiding no small amount of sarcasm.

"Wow, that's kinda cold, Ratchet." Mikaela intervened, her smirk threatening to break into a full grin.

"It's the truth."

"It's a musical. Random song are what musicals do. Besides, I've seen people start singing commercial jingles just because they get a craving for a snack food…" she replied, giving Sam a pointed look. The boy, for his part, simply shrugged and reached for the popcorn bowl they'd been sharing throughout the film.

"If you think -this- is strange, wait until you see "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". You'll blow a circuit." Jazz quipped from his spot on the floor. "The worst this has is a color changing horse and a floating head."

"And we've all seen giant floating heads before so that leaves the equine." Ironhide added.

Sam and Mikaela's gazes locked on to the weapons specialist, eyes wide as their minds caught up with the information he'd let slip.

"You guys have seriously seen giant floating heads before?" Sam asked, curiously.

"Of course."

"Well?" Mikaela prompted.

"Well what?" Ironhide replied, shrugging one massive shoulder.

"Tell us!"

"Oh they weren't anything special…"

"They were the Guardians of the Cect'az Nebula. Drone station guards basically. Totally non-sentient." Ratchet supplied, smirking.

"Yes, but they blew up nicely." Ironhide mused.

"More messy than nice." Jazz added.

"They were organically based. Of course it was messy." came Ratchet's reply.

The teens, however, had taken on a slightly off color, the normal pale turning rather green. Bumblebee, though thoroughly amused, decided it was time to cut in.

"_Every time I think of you, I puke."_ came Eminem's voice from the Camaro's speakers.

"Indeed. Speaking of organics…" Opitimus said, indicating that the current conversation had best end now.

Ironhide shrugged again before refocusing his attention on the brightly colored film on the television. "They wanted to know…"

Sam, skin still rather blanched, turned to an equally colored Mikaela. "And he says -this- is weird?"

"Well, what do you expect from guys who's entire lives have been one big sci-fi movie?"

"Yeah, but blowing up organic space stuff?" he said, shuddering.

"Messy entrails of space floating heads…" she mumbled, egging the boy on.

"They were clear. Like jellyfish." Jazz said, optics still fixated on the screen.

"And got everywhere." Ratchet added as an afterthought. His curiosity derailed his initial thoughts about the film and he sat down next to his own Companion to watch the remainder.

"Not to mention the fact that they were sticky…" Ironhide contributed, completely oblivious to the horrified and amused looks he and the others were receiving from the two teens.

A quiet sound from Optimus drew their attention. He gave a slight nod to the two humans currently sitting in their midst. Optics widened and apologies were murmured as everyone gave their full attention to the viewing screen just in time to see a very short human deny access to a set of Cybertronian sized doors.

"This conversation couldn't have waited until we were watching a gory movie, could it?"

Bumblebee turned his head and looked at the female. "You -did- ask…"

Mikaela swatted at the yellow mech's foot as he turned his attention back to the movie.

The silence reigned for the next several scenes before Mikaela turned and leveled Sam with a serious look.

"You think these guys have seen flying monkeys too?"

The boy's eyes widened and hands immediately covered his ears. The self-mantra of "La la la la!" was soon brought into play to try and derail that particular train of thought while simultaneously blocking any replies the mechs above might churn out.

There were just some things humans were better off -not- knowing.


End file.
